Sexual or affective orientation.

We all have our secret garden; this space is a part of our lives, and nobody should know it. However, some of them are harmful not only to our souls but also to those close to us.

Here is the story of the man who, having grown up fatherless, developed an attraction to people of the same gender — he said. As he didn’t consider it normal, he tried to get rid of this desire, which, unfortunately, was “abnormal” in the environment in which he grew up. So he went to see “men of God” to ask them to pray for him, but to no avail.

With no strength to fight his demon, he decided to stick with it and live as it was. The downside was that he had to keep it to himself as his community didn’t accept or understand how somebody could develop such an attraction.

Of course, his family noticed and dismissed him, fearing he would be a bad influence on the other children. It just worsened his emotional balance. He made encounters that only weakened his self-confidence.

Getting older and with the shame that kept haunting him, he decided to adapt to the norms to save his image. He courted a woman and asked her to marry him after a few months. He had no feelings for her. However, she was just a cover because he was already in love with someone else.

They got engaged. The woman took off a few weeks after their relationship became official because she realized that his penis was never in erection when it came to having sex. He claimed that this was due to impotence. The best he could come up with was that the woman was manipulative and had cheated on him.

He settled back down to the idea of living like this, but the desire to have a child came to the fore, and he tried again with a second wife. Fortunately, she realized this just before the official introductions.

One wonders whether there will be a third attempt at a ‘cover-up’ or whether he will decide to come out as gay.

To all those who live or have lived a similar story, you are not the problem, but rather the ones who don’t accept who they are. You are far from being naive or stupid. Everyone makes mistakes.

To those who assume their sexual orientation, thank you very much, and please spread the word to those who struggle to do so. It’s not a question of homophobia but of honesty. Undoubtedly, some people don’t tolerate it, but isn’t it more serious to make people suffer for all that?

By Jdm.